Hm, about that obedience thing...

I haven't written a blog entry in a while. I'm sorry. I placed expectations on myself, and the pressure almost felt suffocating, to the point where I wanted to completely avoid writing and posting whatever my heart needed to express.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 NIV

I know God calls us to specific things He has planned for us individually, and He wants obedience, not sacrifice.

In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome... 1 John 5:3 NIV

But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. 1 Samuel 15:22 NIV

Sometimes I struggle with keeping God's call on my life separate from performance. Somehow I got it into my head, and it sank into my heart, that obedience = performance. My expectations for myself arise when I feel the pressure to perform.

When I write, verses that fit the situation pop into my head. Right now I can't remember any verses where God said to get my mess sorted out, then obey him. Pretty sure He didn't sign Moses up for Toast Masters before sending him to Egypt. God didn't tell the disciples to go into counseling after Jesus' death before they spread the good news. Really, the death and resurrection of Jesus was a pretty extreme, life-altering event. You'd think they would need to speak to a professional before sharing the love of God.

Someone drew a cartoon that I absolutely love. It's a simple drawing, where a stick figure is holding out his heart to Jesus, saying, “It's all I have.” Jesus is reaching down with outstretched hands to take it, responding, “It's all I want.”

How beautiful. How true.

From now on, I want to hear God's voice and obey, regardless of the outcome, what people might think of me, how I feel I've performed in the end. It's daunting, and I expect that my feet will falter, but I thank God that He will be there for every single step.

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

Psalm 37: 23, 24 NIV

Messy Lesson

I learned a lesson today-the messy way. 

So what happened?  How was I, all of a sudden, in such a huge mess?  How does my whole day get ruined just because of one thing, like my pants were too tight that morning?  My husband has asked me how one little thing can just set me off and make me extremely sad/angry/upset. 

God showed me today that it's not necessarily just one single, simple thing.  I'm currently reading The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.  She said something in the first few chapters that has really made me think.  She said that Satan is patient. 

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil prowls around like a lion, seeking whom he may devour.

I always thought that Satan was impatient, since impatience is usually a bad thing.  When I was reminded we are in a war, I realized that the devil is very cunning and has well-laid plans.  He has been around since the beginning of time, and knows humans quite well. 

Ephesians 6:16
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Notice that the shield is to extinguish arrows, not other larger, more obvious weapons like a sword, axe or mace.  You wouldn't notice an arrow nearly as much as a huge mace being swung around.  Arrows can be quick, decisive and deadly.  I'd like to make the point, though, that although an archer can have great skill, it could also be considered cowardly.  As believers, the Spirit in us is the same who raised Jesus from the dead.  No wonder Satan is afraid and resorts to sneak tactics!

The thing is, it's not usually one little thing that pushes me over the edge.  Bit by bit I have been allowing lies to build up into my life, things that slowly crumble my defenses.  Yes, sometimes we attacked by really obvious lies or temptations that come out of nowhere, and it's easy to defeat it.  It's those little lies that can actually be half true, and made to sound like one of our own thoughts, that settle into our hearts and eventually do major damage.

If I'm always reading gossip magazines filled with beautiful, air-brushed women, and watching trashy tv shows, then in my heart, I am allowing thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and other lies to slowly seep into my heart.  All it takes is one bad hair day, or a pimple, or ill-fitting clothes, and suddenly I feel destroyed.  If I'm always looking at social media and the news, I am, little by little, letting in fear that my daughter will be kidnapped or killed by a rare disease, or that my life will never be as exciting and fulfilling as my friends'.  All it takes is my daughter to get sick, or one more picture of my friend on yet another exotic vacation.  Everything seems like it suddenly gets blown out of proportion, but in reality, the pressure has been building slowly until something gives.

What kind of environment do you create for yourself?  Is it one where God's truth thrives? 

What lies do you believe and receive into your heart because they sound like your own thoughts? And honestly, even if they are your own thoughts and feelings, are they really the accurate truth?

Sure, the enemy is powerful.  But he is also already defeated.

1 John 4:4
 But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

I am praying that I will be more aware of the thoughts I let swirl around inside me, and that God will show me the ones that are poisonous.  My pastor told me that it can be vital to master the "art of distraction."  Sometimes the best way to defeat a thought is to ignore it by distracting your brain by a completely different train of thought.  The other day I stopped what I was doing and sat down to do a sudoku puzzle.  I made myself focus on it to make myself stop thinking damaging thoughts.  It worked.  I just had to purposely change gears and not allow the lies to sink in to my heart.

Some days are more challenging than others.  If I'm tired, sick or stressed, then my defenses are weaker than usual.  If I've missed my time with God, or have been running my life on my own, it's easier to be taken down.  I don't expect that it will never be a fight.  But I would encourage you to examine your own thought life and what you let in, and ask God for His loving help.



Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Remind Yourself

I can be extremely forgetful.  I sometimes walk into a room and forget why I was headed there.  There are days where if I'm distracted or interrupted mid-sentence, what I was saying will be completely gone.  I need plenty of reminders-notes, my calendar on the fridge, alarms on my phone, the people in my life, you name it.  I need multiple ways of reminding myself various things.

I am also a visual learner.  Sometimes I can see how I wrote something down in my mind, and what it looked like exactly.  I guess it makes sense that I have notes all over my home.  Yes, a lot of those notes are reminders for doctor's appointments or birthday parties, but I think the other ones are more important.  I bought some star-shaped paper from the dollar store and wrote down verses or phrases that inspire and encourage me.  Our lives can get so busy and distract us from the truths God wants us to remember. 

You are loved. 

God has a great and detailed plan for you. 

You matter.

Last weekend, I was blessed to be able to attend a local women's conference.  One of the activities we did was to sit quietly with our eyes closed and think about seeing Jesus.  What would He do?  Would He say something to you?  Every woman had a different experience, and in mine, I was reminded that He adores me.  Me!  Right now.  In all my mess and mistakes, He loves me.  At a later time in the conference, there was an opportunity to make necklaces and they would stamp words on a pendant if you wanted.  So I got the word "adored" stamped on mine.  Yes, it is a fashionable piece of jewelry, but I usually tuck it under my shirt.  It's a reminder for me, and sometimes when I am feeling low or that I just don't measure up, I cling to that necklace and remember that the Creator of the universe thinks I'm pretty special.  The woman stamping the jewelry shared that her necklace says "brave."  I think that's pretty cool.

In the busyness of our lives, it is so easy to miss the whispers of God's voice, or to not squeeze in that quiet time praying and reading the Bible.  I have found that if I put a verse on my bathroom mirror, I see it often enough that I memorize it without really trying.  And sometimes God will bring that verse to mind when I need His truth to speak into my life.

I would encourage you to find a moment or two and figure out what reminder would speak to you.  Put post-it's everywhere, wear a piece of jewelry that means something to you, make an inspirational picture your screensaver on your phone, do something that will remind you who you really are, and Who you belong to.

Speak with Love

How do you talk to yourself?  Do you speak gently and encouragingly, with kind words that bring hope?  Or do you tell yourself things that you would never think of saying to someone else?

I struggle with self talk.  I see my messy house, those pounds I should lose, how I couldn't think of the right words to say, and I make sure I don't forget any of those things.  So many times I break my own heart.  And that breaks my Creator's heart.

Proverbs 12:18
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

How would my outlook change if I gave myself more grace?  I think I would be more brave, willing to put myself out there and take risks.  I would most likely be more content with who I am if I told those negative voices to shut up.  My soul would be calmer, and in those quiet moments right before I fall to sleep, my mistakes  wouldn't be paraded around in my mind's eye.  I know the devil definitely has a place in trying to bring me down, but I should be fighting him, not helping him by accepting the lies.  Lies like, "I'm stuck here.  I can never change."  "I always mess up!  Will I ever get it right?"  "I'm so alone in this.  No one else knows what it's like."

 Proverbs 15:4
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Perverse can mean cross, ill-natured in spirit.  I can become cross with myself and my shortcomings, and my defeating thoughts crush me.  I love how the Bible is so truthful and timeless.  God gets it.  He knows what it's like to walk this earth and feel weary and heartbroken.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I'm not exactly sure how I will boast about my weaknesses, but I do know God wants me to allow Him to work through them so I can be refined.  I'm not supposed to wallow in them.

Thanks for letting me share my heart.  I feel challenged right now to really examine my thought life, and ask God to make me more aware of what I'm telling myself as soon as that negative thought hits my brain so I can squash it.  I hope you can weed out the lies you tell yourself, too.  When you pull out a lie, replace it with a truth that God gives you.  Claim His word as your own.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Obedient

Usually when a topic pops into my head, and I feel like I'm supposed to write about it, I look up some verses for direction and clarification.  I'm going to be honest here, and admit that I don't really want to bring this topic up because God has been speaking to me about this area in my life.  Some of the verses I found sting just a little, but that's one of the ways we can grow, right?  So here we go!

What comes to mind when you hear the word "obedient"?  I think of my toddler, and how I wish she would obey me immediately.  I think of myself, that sometimes God wants me to give up that thing, or go talk to that person, or start this new healthy thing.  I'm not sure what it is about my personality, or spirit, or flesh, but I do know that I do not obey like I should! 

Philippians 2:8
And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by
becoming obedient to death-- even death on a cross!

What?! Oh man!  This one hurts.  We're to imitate Jesus, right?  He trusted His Father to the point of death.  I'm not saying that God asks us to put ourselves to death...although He does, actually, now that I think about it.  We are to put our flesh to death by dying to ourselves daily, taking up our cross, and following Him.

For me right now, that might mean I need to wake up a little earlier for some quiet time with God.  I am a morning person, so I would most likely enjoy it, but currently I have been sleeping in as late as I can.  If you are a night owl, maybe consider doing it at the end of your day instead of scrolling through facebook or watching tv.  I would like to be more disciplined in giving Him some of my time when I'm at my best and can focus on Him.

My flesh also has a love/hate relationship with sweets and baked goods.  Or, as someone has wisely said, I love sweets but they don't love me back.  In general I think sugar is in way too many foods, and we get an unnecessary amount.  My body, in particular, cannot process sugar as easily as other people can because of a hormone imbalance that affects many aspects of my health.  I seriously need to reexamine the place food has in my life, and how I am giving my body the nourishment it needs.

Isaiah 1:19
If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land

This verse makes me laugh because I can take it two ways.  I believe it is supposed to be a promise-that God will give us the good things of the land if we are willing and obedient.  That is how I initially read it.  Then I read it again, but this time saw it as a command-you WILL eat the good things.  God wants me to be healthy, energetic and physically available to serve His kingdom.  If I held out a cookie and an apple and asked Him to choose my snack for me, it's pretty easy to imagine what the choice would be.  He wants me to take care of myself and choose the best option.

These two examples of obedience seem simple.  I know they could prove to be challenging but extremely rewarding once I obey and make such discipline a regular aspect of my life.  Are there areas in your life you need to reevaluate?  Where is God calling you to make changes and be obedient to Him?

Work in Progress

Wow!  It's been a while since I've written...

I love home renovation shows.  All the work that happens, the before and after, the big reveal to the homeowners-it's all great entertainment to me.  I would, however, scoff when one of the homeowners (usually the wife) would complain about how stressful and terrible it all was, that they were going to lose it if the renovations took any longer.  I thought, "Come on, lady, suck it up!  It can't be that bad!"

And then...we decided to change our kitchen.  We are actually still hanging cabinets as I type.  Well, actually, other people are doing the work, but I like to feel included :)  Anyway, renovations are terrible.  There.  I admit it.  Everything is disorganized and in chaos.  Getting ready for the day, packing lunches and making meals takes longer and I have to stop and remember where everything is.  I feel like I don't have any extra time to do anything, like write or paint my toenails or do regular housework.  Maybe that lady has a right to complain after all...

My point is-I need to stop making assumptions and judging people.  There's a pattern I've noticed in my life.  I don't take the time to try and see the other person's point of view, what their life might be like and how they feel.  Instead, I jump to conclusions, and unfortunately I usually don't give others the benefit of the doubt.

I am then humbled by God.  He reveals parts of the lives of "those people," and I feel so awful that I even thought that about them.  A friend who seems like she's always bragging may actually feel insecure.  Or maybe that person who was rude to you just had a fight with a loved one and is still upset.  Maybe she talks so tough because she has been hurt and let down so often she can't trust people anymore.

Thankfully, God gives me second chances.  Well, He gives me second chances hundreds of times, but I'm grateful for it.  Next time an "opportunity for growth" comes up, instead of thinking negative thoughts about someone and then telling another person all about it, I'm praying that I can pause, ask God for wisdom and understanding, then try to think the best and if possible, reach out and encourage that meanie ;)

Defiant

I don't know where I got this belief from, but I think I've always been under the impression that Godly women are meek and mild and let the world roll over them without protest.  I do agree women who have a close relationship with God and follow Him with all their heart have a peace about them.  They are not easily ruffled, but peace does not equal doormat.  I also know that women are to submit to their husbands in a relationship that honors God, and where the husband loves his wife as himself.

I still need to be more defiant.  I need to stand up for myself more.  I'm referring to not accepting defeat in the areas of my life where I struggle, and victory seems distant, and sometimes even impossible.

Again, I have been inspired by a song.  When I hear it, I think of Braveheart, or some other epic battle where the people are so passionate and filled with conviction that they give their all, no matter the outcome.  Although, unlike William Wallace (main protagonist in Braveheart), we are already  the conquerors, not the conquered.  Now I realize not everyone has seen Braveheart, and honestly I hadn't seen it until the last year, so I'm sorry if I ruined it for you :)  Anyway, here are the song lyrics.  When I mention a song, I strongly encourage you to look it up and listen to it.  There's just something about the combination of words and song that is so powerful.

Rend Collective
 The Art of Celebration
"More Than Conquerors"

When my hope and strength is gone
You're the one who calls me on
You are the life
You are the fight
That's in my soul

Oh, Your resurrection power
Burns like fire in my heart
When waters rise
I lift my eyes
Up to Your throne

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror

I will sing into the night
Christ is risen and on high
Greater is He
Living in me
Than in the world

No surrender, no retreat
We are free and we're redeemed
We will declare
Over despair
You are the hope

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror

Nothing is impossible
Every chain is breakable
With You, we are victorious
You are stronger than our hearts
You are greater than the dark
With You, we are victorious
[x3]

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God

We are more than conquerors, through Christ
You have overcome this world, this life
We will not bow to sin or to shame
We are defiant in Your name
You are the fire that cannot be tamed
You are the power in our veins
Our Lord, our God, our Conqueror



I want to refuse to bow to sin or to shame.  How cool would that be?!  This is where the defiance comes in.  I think I usually take on the mindset of the defeated, when Jesus has already claimed the victory for me.  All I need to do is walk in it, and refuse to accept labels placed on me by myself, the world, or others.  Labels like unlovable, broken, overwhelmed, unworthy, unnoticed.  Sadly, those are only a few of the many examples I could give.

And yet...

Jesus has redeemed me.  That's not who I am.  That's not who you are, either.  We are His beloved, and we are more than conquerors.

Romans 8:37 NIV
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Notice how the verse begins with "no?"  When I go over this verse in my mind, I shout the "No!"  Try it.  Be defiant in His name.  Go out there and claim your victory in His name.